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An Eagle Without His Head

sillykhan Elizabeth City, Elizabeth City Stories, Humor, Short Stories , , , , ,

When I graduated from High School, I did something unusually and probably students in my class may not remember it at all. It happened 31 years ago, here’s the story:

Our mascot was the eagle. Not the real Eagle.  No did I not. People have dirty minds.

Oh well, it was the costume. No one knew I was in the Eagle Costume. I did not steal it, but I borrowed it. It was laying around in the girl’s locker room. Luckily, the girls were outside cheering for the basketball game.  It was my first time in a girl’s locker room. I did not see anything. But the shower was running. No, I did not peek. Maybe a little. I was curiosity. So, I saw it. Whew. It was big and cute. Not that big, cute, and petite.  She was our high school homecoming queen, Stacy Class; every guy wanted her. And I was the cute dorky student that no one knew. I had a picture of her in my locker. Her locker was next to mine.

I put on the costume; the costume needed to be dry clean. How could Stacy wear this costume?  I saw some air freshener nearby. I think it was air-freshener, it read “Michael Jackson’s perfume.” So, if I spray it, will it make me dance like Michael Jackson? Let’s see what happened.

I sprayed it, and the odor of the costume did not help. I grabbed a cloth, I think it was a cloth, but it will do. It was someone bra. Smell good. So, I used it as a gas mask for I could breathe fresh air and I was good. I put the head of the Eagle on, and I got the panty hose for the Eagle’s legs.

And I walked out; people were cheering for me because I was underneath the Eagle costume. I did the moon walk like Michael Jackson would do, and the audience went wild with it. Maybe the Michael Jackson perfume did work on me.

Then I heard Stacy voice from the girl’s locker room.

“Who are you? I am coming for you” Stacy said.

I turned my beak around, and I saw Stacy staring at me.

Would you believe she was wearing a cheerleader outfit without no bra and wet hair? She charged at me.  I ran around the court, and she was chasing me.  The audience was laughing and cheering for either of us.

Then I tripped, and she landed on top of my back. She flipped me over and took off my mask, and she found her bra on my face. She took that off too.

“What are you doing?” Stacy said. She was on top of me.

“I got laid?” I said, smiling. I was on the ground.

The crowd laugh. She was embarrassed.

It was hysterical.

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So you think you are smart

sillykhan Humor, Uncategorized, What to Read , ,

Hurray! You graduate and got a diploma from high school you are ready to conquer the world!  Eventually you work hard and study smart. You find a relationship between the subject matter you were learning, and now you have to applied what you have learned.

You can follow your dreams and pursue your passion – what more hard work to do. What you going to do this summer – goof off? You need the training and skill. Time is limited. You have four months before school starts and next year is your last year. What were you doing for the past years? Goofing off.  Studying is good, but when you have breaks in between like the holidays and administrative days off.  You could have done something. Cleaning is good, we all need to clean our rooms or the whole house, for people can be invited. Or work on the project that will sometime be your career life.

Find a team of friends that will help your career with special skills. Work on a budget. Most people started out on shoes string budget, finding cheap stuff and making it big.  People are creative when they built stuff. Put that in your resume.

Take a summer class at your local community college, a business class for perhaps. Most careers now these days want someone in management, a leader, how to do inventory, and handling money.

Get a job and work either Part-time or Full-time.  You need cash and spend it wisely, money is crucial and important, don’t buy junk that you don’t need. It’s a waste of money. You need to save for important reasons. You need a break some time. Summer is beach time! And then go back to work!

Don’t end your life to soon. Drive carefully. Everyday there is a car crash and their life is gone in an instant. Just drive carefully.

Parents always tell you that nighttime is dangerous and it is. It’s the worst, more crime happens at night until the sunrise. You hear it every day in the news there’s a crime committed day or night. If you don’t read the news then you don’t know what’s happening in the world – what Donald Trump is president? What have you done? Oh, the world is safe. Lesser crime is happening.

Always check base with your family and friends, if your parents want to put a GPS locator on you, let them. You will be safe.  And you wouldn’t be an unsolved case that happened 20 years ago.

Are students really smart?

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High School and Middle school students think they could get away without being caught when they write a paper, and the teacher would give the student a failing grade, because the paper. The paper was identical to one of the smartest students who handed to the teacher in the beginning of the class. Student’s think they are David Copperfield, a fame magician who uses sleight of hand tricks, but for students, their sleight of hand tricks could get a slap of the hand by the ruler.

When would teenagers ever learn not to copy and paste, but give the right sources or some documentation to the paper? Do they know how to read and summarize and then give the citation sources? The teacher is giving all the resources to the students, and the students are not using the resource’s material that was given? Students don’t care.

And why do students have to procrastinate at the last minute. Cramming everything within a twenty-four-hour period. Students think or work better, under pressure. I have that song stuck in my head, “Ice Ice Baby” singing ‘Under Pressure’. When they work under pressure, either they get tired and fall asleep in the class while taking a test or use the mouth drool as the answer. Do they learn how to read and write and then summarize it?

Did you know that some teenagers use the internet to solve algebraic problems? Just type in the equation and the answer is solved. What’s wrong with solving by hand and understand how to do it? Algebra is supposed to be easy, even a fifth grader can solve it.

We use algebraic everyday in our lives, like how many French fries can be used when there’s a crowd of 40 people in line? You need more. One basket French Fries would not help.

Or how fast can a bullet travel when leaving from a gun? That’s a calculus problem. My niece wanted to be cop or a CSI agent. She loves watching CSI on CBS. However, it’s hard work to be a cop or CSI agent. We got to have math and science.

When a teenager tells an adult to Google it, Yahoo it or Bing it. They are not being as smart as they are supposed to be. The student should figure it out. They are supposed to learn and put it in their brain. The student should learn how to read and find out things. Analyze and use their critical-thinking skills to see if they are smart enough to pass the class for the third time in the sixth grade!

If they could understand relationship problems with their friends or boyfriend/girlfriend, they could use the same principle in reading a book. What are the character motivations in the book? Is Bella Swan really pregnant? Would she have baby werewolves or vampire babies?

Adults don’t care. They have to work and make money. Teenagers don’t care they are either texting to their friends, and their spelling is awful when they text. Have they taken English classes? They are using improper grammar while texting – spell out the words!

A teenage mind is full of tricks, don’t waste your time pranking an adult. The student would wind up in jail for doing something stupid – let that be a lesson. Enjoy prison food and the toilet is right next to the bed – remember to close the lid before going to sleep.

Do Your Kids Shower After Gym Class?

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If you have a high school student, they would fly through the house and into the bathroom to take a shower and fly right outside to go back to school and it’s only lunch time. If it is periodically, they do it every day during lunchtime. Is time to lock your door, for you can enjoy some leisure time yourself? Before they catch you with tin foil in your hair, just because you were color-dyeing your hair.

Just because students who take gym at school and have a heavy work out session, you know practicing football, weight training or baseball, but when they go back to class, their body odor would knock out everyone in the classroom.  Then the principal would walk in the class just to see one student sitting at the desk, and the principal is wearing a gas mask for he or she would not faint.

The student sitting on the chair would say, “Oops, I forgot to shower” the student said.

“You think?!” the principal would interject to the student.

Students should know when they enrolled a PE or Gym class, they should be concerned about body odor in the classroom. Sometime when I was  substituting in the public school, the school smells like a locker room, body odor all over the halls of the school. If they could take quick shower with soap and shampoo with lots of fragrance or change their shirt, underwear and use proper hygiene, occasionally. It’s nice to smell clean when students go back to class and make a good grade in the class just because the students smell clean.

If the students don’t take a bath between class after gym, diseases will occur within the body. It could cause skin infections, staph infections, ringworm, impetigo. Impetigo is blister and pus in the body when the body is not clean and it can grow into big huge blister on the body. Students would look like an elephant man in some disfigures way and it would not look pretty.

Or they could do one thing, not to enrolled in PE or gym class just because they have to take a bath at the school and not to be embarrass in the shower. But if they do enroll in a gym class, tell your child to carry a second pair of underwear, clothing and hygiene products in the school bag. It could really help.

How do you catch a shark?

sillykhan Elizabeth City, Humor , , , , , , , ,

Shark attack

So how do you catch a shark that has bitten two teenagers on the coast of Oak island, NC?

You can’t say to shark:

“Freeze, raise your fins and put it around your back!”

They can’t put their fins around their back. It’s short and the hand cuffs would not fit.

And we can’t kill a shark, if we did, it’s a  crime, because they are  endanger species.

By the way, the shark that was used in Jurassic World, that was a realistic puppetry and it got swallow by a Dino-shark, which was CGI. No animals were harm in this movie. It looked real but amazing movie. I saw it for the second time. Still good.

The best way to prevent a shark attack:

  1. Wear a Jaws T-shirt from 1975, that would scare a shark. Not really.
  2. Don’t wave or arms in the water.
  3. Don’t wave or legs in the water.
  4. Stay still in the water and wait for a mermaid to come and rescue you. (Not really, walk away slowly)
  5. If you have a stick, poke it in the eyes. Or hit the shark in the snout. (the nose)
  6. Swim in groups.
  7. Swim close to the shore, near lifeguards. (If the life guards are attractive stay near. Cue Baywatch Theme music and run in slow motion).
  8. Don’t swim either at night or early morning. (Remember Jaws!)
  9. Don’t wear shinny objects
  10. Don’t splash a lot. (Vibrations can attract sharks)

And by the way, 14 years ago I was attack by a jelly fish. I was peeing in the ocean when a jelly fish jumped and grab my penis. Ouch that hurts. Go ahead laugh. Let it out!

Be safe out there.  

Check out this link below: http://www.flmnh.ufl.edu/fish/kids/avoid/avoid.htm  

2015 The Future is Here

sillykhan Humor, What to Read , , , ,

Back to the Future 2015Did you wake up and found yourself wearing an orange sleeves ski jacket and it’s a 2015 the new year? It’s the same. Nothing has change.  You probably went to a New Year ’s Eve Party the night before. But, when you cross the mirror in your bathroom you a get a glimpse of yourself and see that you look like Marty Mcfly (Michale J. Fox) and you scream like the Home Alone kid and you say “What the feathers happen to me?” You travel back in time 30 years ago!

That’s right, you are in 1985. You went Back to the Future. Remember the movie? If you have not seen it. Go rent it one night or download from Netflix. Or if you weren’t born that year. You missed it.

Anyway, when Robert Zemeckis was directing Back to the Future II, he did not actually predict what the future would look like. “For me, filming the future scenes of the movie were the least enjoyable of making the whole trilogy, because I don’t really like films that try and predict the future. The only one I’ve actually enjoyed were the ones done by Stanley Kubrick, and not even he predicted the PC when he made A Clockwork Orange. So, rather than trying to make a scientifically sound prediction that we were probably going to get wrong anyway, we figured, let’s just make it funny.” Robert Zemeckis.

The filmmakers did their research and homework of what the future would look like in 2015.  There’s the hover board and shoes that lace and tie itself, they are some proof we have it now. Other than that, it’s very impossible to have flying cars. But scientist and inventors are trying to do so. It’s a movie with possible fantasy of the future and what it would look like.

However, we have cameras now and they are monitoring everything what we do. Flat screen tv’s and watching many shows at once. Ability to Skype (video chatting with friends through the internet and people we know). Head-mounted displays, and automated fueling systems. The film also correctly predicted a future where video games do not need hands (Microsoft Kinect) or, at the very least, do not need traditional controllers (Wii Remote).

The movie itself is wildly predictable and what we have now is some of the possibility. We have smart phones that we use and computer programmers are making apps that we can use for everyday usage.

Can the future be caught up in October 2015? And beyond?  Very impossible, but we can try. But we do need fresh minds and great innovators. Make sure your children do well in science, technology, engineering and mathematics. Also English and communication.

Happy New Year !!

Winter Begins

sillykhan Humor , , ,

So the first day of Winter was today the 21st of December, that means we have the shortest days and longer nights. That means we have to do our shopping before the sunset and get up early before the sunrises. That means, I am tired – Already. Christmas shopping was exhausted. So much to do and little time left, Christmas is for children and children love Santa Clause.

I recently sat on Santa Clause lap and told him what I wanted for Christmas; I swear he had on Depends Underwear on. Underneath, his pants, it was soft and padded, I could feel it. He though I would pee on him, but it was meant for the children who can’t control themselves on his lap. He looked at me and wondered why would a 40-year-old person sitting on his lap, if a gorgeous woman sat on his lap, he would not mind. But for me, he gave me a weird stare or some kind of look. So I peed on his pants. I did wish what I wanted for Christmas. Would I get it?

How does he know where I live? I have an ADT security system and there’s no way he would get into my house. One-step into my house, the alarm will sound and a parade of Christmas lights from the cops and a SWAT team will be here in a flash. And, he will be caught either giving me Christmas present. Presents would be nice, but he would be trespassing on my property.  What about reindeers on top of my roof? How did they get up there? Messing with the singles and pooping down to my chimney, and stinking up the place. Spraying Febreze would not cover up the smell up.

Christmas is a festival celebrating Christ’s birth, held on December 25. Christmas is lights, decoration, and even snow. If we have dream of a white Christmas, it may not snow on that day. Or, it might rain that day. So we may be dreaming of a wet Christmas.

On a serious note, Christmas is caring and helping someone we love, my mom had a hip injury back in 2011 and she is unable to walk till this day. She’s on a wheel chair and she have Alzheimer’s and dementia. She’s in her 80s, but she have two caring people to take care of her and we are her angles. She’s eating healthy. When people ask my parents and me, how are we doing? I always say, “We are still alive” because we are still alive and we eat healthy and do exercise.  Eating healthier and exercising is the key to stay alive.