Humor

How to Watch Basketball at Work

sillykhan Humor, News, Uncategorized , , ,

If you are a basketball fan, I am too. Sometimes I get bored at work, and I would watch basketball at work too on the work computer. When the boss or supervisor comes by, I will close my browser, but the sound does not cut off. You can still hear the noise.

“What you watching?” Boss said.

“I am watching P-. I meant the latest meetings are discussing how to cut a cucumber” I am a bad liar. It’s HR fault making these videos of what not to do in an office; they are not creative.

“Just get back to work and turn it off, Karen is getting aroused.”

“Yes, Mr. Roy”

That’s was the third time this week, I meant watching the game. Luckily, I did not get fired or get suspended. It looks like he liked me, and I do the work, and he knows I get the job done.

Basket 2a

basket ball 3

When watching Basketball online, I have noticed there’s a boss button on the NCAA website. You can check the scores or watch the game. Watch the game with your earphones and clean it with alcohol wipes.  It’s nice to leave one of the headsets open while watching the game. When you hear your name called from the office, you can hit the button on the side and close it. It will cut the sound off too.

So who will win the game? Comment below.

 

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Why Don’t People Return Their Shopping Carts?

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shopping cart

Have you ever gone to a mall, shopping center or a grocery store and there’s an empty parking space between two vehicles before you turn into that space, you see a shopping cart!

What to do? Do you wish people can return a simple shopping cart to the right place even though the place is half a mile to the store!

They have a cart receptacle in the parking place, and still, there are far away too. Or people have a child, and they don’t want to leave a child unattended for three seconds, it’s the holidays, and people are in a rush.

Shopping cart grass

They leave a shopping cart near a tree on a grassy hill or let it roll away to pond where the ducks are eating a hamburger on the road. Don’t give a duck a CPR, if it is choking on a hamburger, that would be dangerous. Just let it go. Walk away. You have not committed a crime. It will survive. One quack it will fly out of the duck’s mouth. I have seen it. I got hit by one, the other day. It wasn’t that good. Luckily, I got insurance by Aflac!

If you park next to cart receptacle, then it is good. You can unload the items in your car and put the cart in the receptacle. If you hear a baby crying, when you walk away then you forgot one item. Don’t do that.

Please return the shopping carts to the receptacle.

It’s the holidays. We are always in a rush and traffic is getting worst. Accidents may occur when getting home. If you ever get stuck in traffic, just be patience. Call ahead and tell them there’s an accident and will be home soon. The first responders are doing their best to remove what’s on the road quickly, and you will be home soon.

An Eagle Without His Head

sillykhan Elizabeth City, Elizabeth City Stories, Humor, Short Stories , , , , ,

When I graduated from High School, I did something unusually and probably students in my class may not remember it at all. It happened 31 years ago, here’s the story:

Our mascot was the eagle. Not the real Eagle.  No did I not. People have dirty minds.

Oh well, it was the costume. No one knew I was in the Eagle Costume. I did not steal it, but I borrowed it. It was laying around in the girl’s locker room. Luckily, the girls were outside cheering for the basketball game.  It was my first time in a girl’s locker room. I did not see anything. But the shower was running. No, I did not peek. Maybe a little. I was curiosity. So, I saw it. Whew. It was big and cute. Not that big, cute, and petite.  She was our high school homecoming queen, Stacy Class; every guy wanted her. And I was the cute dorky student that no one knew. I had a picture of her in my locker. Her locker was next to mine.

I put on the costume; the costume needed to be dry clean. How could Stacy wear this costume?  I saw some air freshener nearby. I think it was air-freshener, it read “Michael Jackson’s perfume.” So, if I spray it, will it make me dance like Michael Jackson? Let’s see what happened.

I sprayed it, and the odor of the costume did not help. I grabbed a cloth, I think it was a cloth, but it will do. It was someone bra. Smell good. So, I used it as a gas mask for I could breathe fresh air and I was good. I put the head of the Eagle on, and I got the panty hose for the Eagle’s legs.

And I walked out; people were cheering for me because I was underneath the Eagle costume. I did the moon walk like Michael Jackson would do, and the audience went wild with it. Maybe the Michael Jackson perfume did work on me.

Then I heard Stacy voice from the girl’s locker room.

“Who are you? I am coming for you” Stacy said.

I turned my beak around, and I saw Stacy staring at me.

Would you believe she was wearing a cheerleader outfit without no bra and wet hair? She charged at me.  I ran around the court, and she was chasing me.  The audience was laughing and cheering for either of us.

Then I tripped, and she landed on top of my back. She flipped me over and took off my mask, and she found her bra on my face. She took that off too.

“What are you doing?” Stacy said. She was on top of me.

“I got laid?” I said, smiling. I was on the ground.

The crowd laugh. She was embarrassed.

It was hysterical.

So you think you are smart

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Hurray! You graduate and got a diploma from high school you are ready to conquer the world!  Eventually you work hard and study smart. You find a relationship between the subject matter you were learning, and now you have to applied what you have learned.

You can follow your dreams and pursue your passion – what more hard work to do. What you going to do this summer – goof off? You need the training and skill. Time is limited. You have four months before school starts and next year is your last year. What were you doing for the past years? Goofing off.  Studying is good, but when you have breaks in between like the holidays and administrative days off.  You could have done something. Cleaning is good, we all need to clean our rooms or the whole house, for people can be invited. Or work on the project that will sometime be your career life.

Find a team of friends that will help your career with special skills. Work on a budget. Most people started out on shoes string budget, finding cheap stuff and making it big.  People are creative when they built stuff. Put that in your resume.

Take a summer class at your local community college, a business class for perhaps. Most careers now these days want someone in management, a leader, how to do inventory, and handling money.

Get a job and work either Part-time or Full-time.  You need cash and spend it wisely, money is crucial and important, don’t buy junk that you don’t need. It’s a waste of money. You need to save for important reasons. You need a break some time. Summer is beach time! And then go back to work!

Don’t end your life to soon. Drive carefully. Everyday there is a car crash and their life is gone in an instant. Just drive carefully.

Parents always tell you that nighttime is dangerous and it is. It’s the worst, more crime happens at night until the sunrise. You hear it every day in the news there’s a crime committed day or night. If you don’t read the news then you don’t know what’s happening in the world – what Donald Trump is president? What have you done? Oh, the world is safe. Lesser crime is happening.

Always check base with your family and friends, if your parents want to put a GPS locator on you, let them. You will be safe.  And you wouldn’t be an unsolved case that happened 20 years ago.

Are students really smart?

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High School and Middle school students think they could get away without being caught when they write a paper, and the teacher would give the student a failing grade, because the paper. The paper was identical to one of the smartest students who handed to the teacher in the beginning of the class. Student’s think they are David Copperfield, a fame magician who uses sleight of hand tricks, but for students, their sleight of hand tricks could get a slap of the hand by the ruler.

When would teenagers ever learn not to copy and paste, but give the right sources or some documentation to the paper? Do they know how to read and summarize and then give the citation sources? The teacher is giving all the resources to the students, and the students are not using the resource’s material that was given? Students don’t care.

And why do students have to procrastinate at the last minute. Cramming everything within a twenty-four-hour period. Students think or work better, under pressure. I have that song stuck in my head, “Ice Ice Baby” singing ‘Under Pressure’. When they work under pressure, either they get tired and fall asleep in the class while taking a test or use the mouth drool as the answer. Do they learn how to read and write and then summarize it?

Did you know that some teenagers use the internet to solve algebraic problems? Just type in the equation and the answer is solved. What’s wrong with solving by hand and understand how to do it? Algebra is supposed to be easy, even a fifth grader can solve it.

We use algebraic everyday in our lives, like how many French fries can be used when there’s a crowd of 40 people in line? You need more. One basket French Fries would not help.

Or how fast can a bullet travel when leaving from a gun? That’s a calculus problem. My niece wanted to be cop or a CSI agent. She loves watching CSI on CBS. However, it’s hard work to be a cop or CSI agent. We got to have math and science.

When a teenager tells an adult to Google it, Yahoo it or Bing it. They are not being as smart as they are supposed to be. The student should figure it out. They are supposed to learn and put it in their brain. The student should learn how to read and find out things. Analyze and use their critical-thinking skills to see if they are smart enough to pass the class for the third time in the sixth grade!

If they could understand relationship problems with their friends or boyfriend/girlfriend, they could use the same principle in reading a book. What are the character motivations in the book? Is Bella Swan really pregnant? Would she have baby werewolves or vampire babies?

Adults don’t care. They have to work and make money. Teenagers don’t care they are either texting to their friends, and their spelling is awful when they text. Have they taken English classes? They are using improper grammar while texting – spell out the words!

A teenage mind is full of tricks, don’t waste your time pranking an adult. The student would wind up in jail for doing something stupid – let that be a lesson. Enjoy prison food and the toilet is right next to the bed – remember to close the lid before going to sleep.

Do Your Kids Shower After Gym Class?

sillykhan Humor, What to Read , , ,

If you have a high school student, they would fly through the house and into the bathroom to take a shower and fly right outside to go back to school and it’s only lunch time. If it is periodically, they do it every day during lunchtime. Is time to lock your door, for you can enjoy some leisure time yourself? Before they catch you with tin foil in your hair, just because you were color-dyeing your hair.

Just because students who take gym at school and have a heavy work out session, you know practicing football, weight training or baseball, but when they go back to class, their body odor would knock out everyone in the classroom.  Then the principal would walk in the class just to see one student sitting at the desk, and the principal is wearing a gas mask for he or she would not faint.

The student sitting on the chair would say, “Oops, I forgot to shower” the student said.

“You think?!” the principal would interject to the student.

Students should know when they enrolled a PE or Gym class, they should be concerned about body odor in the classroom. Sometime when I was  substituting in the public school, the school smells like a locker room, body odor all over the halls of the school. If they could take quick shower with soap and shampoo with lots of fragrance or change their shirt, underwear and use proper hygiene, occasionally. It’s nice to smell clean when students go back to class and make a good grade in the class just because the students smell clean.

If the students don’t take a bath between class after gym, diseases will occur within the body. It could cause skin infections, staph infections, ringworm, impetigo. Impetigo is blister and pus in the body when the body is not clean and it can grow into big huge blister on the body. Students would look like an elephant man in some disfigures way and it would not look pretty.

Or they could do one thing, not to enrolled in PE or gym class just because they have to take a bath at the school and not to be embarrass in the shower. But if they do enroll in a gym class, tell your child to carry a second pair of underwear, clothing and hygiene products in the school bag. It could really help.

How do you catch a shark?

sillykhan Elizabeth City, Humor , , , , , , , ,

Shark attack

So how do you catch a shark that has bitten two teenagers on the coast of Oak island, NC?

You can’t say to shark:

“Freeze, raise your fins and put it around your back!”

They can’t put their fins around their back. It’s short and the hand cuffs would not fit.

And we can’t kill a shark, if we did, it’s a  crime, because they are  endanger species.

By the way, the shark that was used in Jurassic World, that was a realistic puppetry and it got swallow by a Dino-shark, which was CGI. No animals were harm in this movie. It looked real but amazing movie. I saw it for the second time. Still good.

The best way to prevent a shark attack:

  1. Wear a Jaws T-shirt from 1975, that would scare a shark. Not really.
  2. Don’t wave or arms in the water.
  3. Don’t wave or legs in the water.
  4. Stay still in the water and wait for a mermaid to come and rescue you. (Not really, walk away slowly)
  5. If you have a stick, poke it in the eyes. Or hit the shark in the snout. (the nose)
  6. Swim in groups.
  7. Swim close to the shore, near lifeguards. (If the life guards are attractive stay near. Cue Baywatch Theme music and run in slow motion).
  8. Don’t swim either at night or early morning. (Remember Jaws!)
  9. Don’t wear shinny objects
  10. Don’t splash a lot. (Vibrations can attract sharks)

And by the way, 14 years ago I was attack by a jelly fish. I was peeing in the ocean when a jelly fish jumped and grab my penis. Ouch that hurts. Go ahead laugh. Let it out!

Be safe out there.  

Check out this link below: http://www.flmnh.ufl.edu/fish/kids/avoid/avoid.htm