Star Wars: The Review

So, if you haven’t seen any of the Star Wars movies here’s what you miss for the past decades of great Star Wars movies. Here’s a quick review.

Episode 1 – The Phantom Menace (1999)

Some stuffs about taxes and blockades. Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi escape to Naboo, save Jar Jar Binks, meet Queen Padmé Amidala. Slave Anakin Skywalker wins pod race, is freed, joins team. Jedi turn down Anakin, Gungans fight droids. Jedi fight Darth Maul. “More like Die-Gone Jinn.” Maul gets sliced. Obi-Wan can train Anakin.

 

Episode 2 – Attack of the Clone

Anakin is older. Padmé looks the same. It’s no longer weird. A couple of assassination attempts. Obi-Wan discover a clone army. Anakin can’t save his mom. Obi-Wan is captured. Anakin and Padmé to the rescue. They get captured. Gladiator with monsters. Anakin loses a hand. Yoda fights Count Dooku. A wedding!

 

Episode III – Revenge of the Sith

Anakin executes Dooku. Has a premonition of Padmé dying. The Jedi don’t promote him. Palpatine offers a solution, kills Mace Windu. Anakin becomes Darth Vader, slices a bunch of kids. The Jedi are slaughtered, but Yoda and Obi-Wan are okay. Vader and Obi-Wan duel. Vader gets fired. Padmé has twins, dies.

 

Episode IV – The New Hope

Princess Leia sends C3PO and R2-D2 for help. Luke Skywalker meets them. Then Obi-Wan, bye, Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. Hello, Han Solo and Chewbacca. See ya, Alderaan. That’s no moon, it’s a space station. The guys rescue Leia. Vader strikes down Obi-Wan. Han returns. Luke uses the Force. Boom goes the Death Star. No medal for Chewie.

 

Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back

Luke gets clawed, escapes. Han stuffs him inside a tauntaun. Leia kisses Luke. It’s weird. Luke meets Yoda. The others almost get eaten. Lando Cairissian betrays them. Leia loves Han. He knows, gets frozen. Lando is cool again. Vader is Luke’s father. The end is kind of a bummer.

 

Episode VI – Return of the Jedi

The gang goes to Jabba the Hutt’s. Leia frees Han. Everyone is captured. Luke arrives, kills Jabba’s pet rancor. Leia chokes Jabbar, Yoda dies. Luke gets a sister. Everybody meets the Ewoks. Luke surrenders, but won’t give in to the dark side. Vader turns on Emperor Palpatlne. Dies. Lando blows the Death Star. All is well…for now.

Yep. I watch them all.

May the force be with you.

Go see Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens December 18, 2015 check for show times in your local newspaper.

And please give me your comments and reviews of the movie. Thanks

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